One of the biggest thing I had ever done, was choosing side. And boy, did I regretted it. Those who know, knows. Those who do not. The story will unfold soon.
Its been almost a year since it happened, and I am still feeling guilty as shit about it. Giving it up,letting it go and pretending it never happened.
I carefully began to muster my courage to apologize, and to be forgiven. I have written what I think should be appropriate for the start, and hope something will come in my mail soon. I hope, I hope.
Pray tell.
Dilemma
I'm in dilemma.
Next Sunday is the night to be glammed up for few hours and then head home night, or also known as Prom night. I didn't really want to be part of this event, but my friends want to go and trying not to be a party pooper, I decided to jump in the wagon.
After jumping into this wagon, I figured out that this glammed up night needs lotsa things. Mainly, dresses (which I lack of), shoes to match the lacked dress, good make up and pretty hair... and oh, transportation. I dont want to be those buncha people who looked oh so nice, but take bus and train. Haha. Malunya.
Upon realizing this, I immediately told partner in crime, Karen who also faces the same problem. We both do not want to spend money on dresses (which cost, uhm RM 70 and above?) for just one night. We both know, we will NEVER wear em' again.
So the dilemma here is, where the hell am I suppose to find a dress?
I need God to shower me with dresses, since its raining season now. Aih.
Next Sunday is the night to be glammed up for few hours and then head home night, or also known as Prom night. I didn't really want to be part of this event, but my friends want to go and trying not to be a party pooper, I decided to jump in the wagon.
After jumping into this wagon, I figured out that this glammed up night needs lotsa things. Mainly, dresses (which I lack of), shoes to match the lacked dress, good make up and pretty hair... and oh, transportation. I dont want to be those buncha people who looked oh so nice, but take bus and train. Haha. Malunya.
Upon realizing this, I immediately told partner in crime, Karen who also faces the same problem. We both do not want to spend money on dresses (which cost, uhm RM 70 and above?) for just one night. We both know, we will NEVER wear em' again.
So the dilemma here is, where the hell am I suppose to find a dress?
I need God to shower me with dresses, since its raining season now. Aih.
Of rainbows and butterflies
I never seemed to fancy rainy days because they seem to make me moody and depressed. I hate whenever the environment influences what I feel. Some people might find it weird that I hate the rain when everyone finds bliss in it. Don't get me wrong, I don't entirely hate the rain, but I hate the feeling it gives me. For some reason, when its cold and the sounds of the pouring rain on the window could be heard.. It just sends me to an emotional journey. Somewhat a connection to my soul, as if telling me something.
When others find bliss in it, mine just finds anger and frustration. Sadness and melancholic feelings. I just tend to keep quiet and let my feelings take it course. This well, effects my body entirely.. and not to mention the people around me. People are not used to seeing me quiet, mind you. The people that really and truly knows me. Thus, sending them a vibe that I am depressed, angry or sulking over something they don't know. They even think I am angry for something they might have done accidentally.
Friends.
I am happy that I found wonderful friends this year. The friends that really care. I found one friend that connects with me all the time, even though she has this nutsack crazy attitude (which I have to admit, I adore). People still find it weird that I only really, really know her this year. They presumed we knew each other since primary school, which we did not. She's like a sister in my heart. We complete each others sentences and say things at the same time. Its funny and I like it.
Love ya, Karen Lee Mun Yee. :-)
When others find bliss in it, mine just finds anger and frustration. Sadness and melancholic feelings. I just tend to keep quiet and let my feelings take it course. This well, effects my body entirely.. and not to mention the people around me. People are not used to seeing me quiet, mind you. The people that really and truly knows me. Thus, sending them a vibe that I am depressed, angry or sulking over something they don't know. They even think I am angry for something they might have done accidentally.
Friends.
I am happy that I found wonderful friends this year. The friends that really care. I found one friend that connects with me all the time, even though she has this nutsack crazy attitude (which I have to admit, I adore). People still find it weird that I only really, really know her this year. They presumed we knew each other since primary school, which we did not. She's like a sister in my heart. We complete each others sentences and say things at the same time. Its funny and I like it.
Love ya, Karen Lee Mun Yee. :-)
Labels:
people i love,
rants
Reflection
You know the feeling of wanting to go on, eventhough it hurts? Maybe you do, maybe you do not. You know by going forward, will hurt you so deeply but holding it in will only make it worse. As you move on, you realize maybe you should have waited. If you waited, then maybe the person would realize you are the one. Maybe if you tried to convince that certain someone, you might actually make it work. But you can't. Because you've moved on.
You told yourself you won't go back. You told yourself it is different this time around. You are one step ahead from before. You should be happy, but you are not. You look forward. You tell yourself, no more looking back. But for some reason, you find yourself walking in reverse and eventually ended up in square one.. Sad and mentally tortured. This time, your body would not move on and is stuck on the current pavement. As if glued to it.
Tortured and sad, you cry alone. You are reluctant to tell anyone. The feeling of being stupid overwhelms yourself. You tell nobody, and nobody will know.
You feel miserable, yet tell everyone you are okay. You are not, you are not. You know, yet you deny. You lie between your teeth. The walls around you begin to build up. And soon, you are trapped.
Where's the exit?
You told yourself you won't go back. You told yourself it is different this time around. You are one step ahead from before. You should be happy, but you are not. You look forward. You tell yourself, no more looking back. But for some reason, you find yourself walking in reverse and eventually ended up in square one.. Sad and mentally tortured. This time, your body would not move on and is stuck on the current pavement. As if glued to it.
Tortured and sad, you cry alone. You are reluctant to tell anyone. The feeling of being stupid overwhelms yourself. You tell nobody, and nobody will know.
You feel miserable, yet tell everyone you are okay. You are not, you are not. You know, yet you deny. You lie between your teeth. The walls around you begin to build up. And soon, you are trapped.
Where's the exit?
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